Discontinued Support for Adtention

It's with deep regret that we inform you, our supposedly loyal customers, that we will no longer be supporting the Foresight spin-off, Adtention. Monthly subscriptions will be canceled, and the databases will be taken offline. No refunds.

We believed that since we had such success identifying music, we could leverage our existing technology to capture another sector. As it turns out, however, very few people are interested in using our iPhone app to identify the company and/or product being advertised in radio and TV commercials. We have our best marketing minds in a postmortem meeting to figure out why a follow-up to such a successful product could fail so miserably.

WikiGuard

Since the dawn of time, computers have provided a reliable means of collaboration. Wikipedia, according to a reliable internet source, is "a free, web-based, collaborative, multilingual encyclopedia project". This allows millions of people to gather together and collectively decide what they think the truth is. CNN has iReport, which allows anyone with a camera to comment on the myriad complexities of society. This kind of cheap labor technology is referred to as "crowdsourcing", or "mediocretech".

No, we're not here to crowdsource your morning coffee (yet). Instead, we want to help you protect your home. As Pope John Paul II once said, "A man's home is his castle, and women invoked original sin". But you're still protecting your domicile with a wooden baseball bat by the nightstand and a 11-year old Dachshund that, let's face it, could really only manage to protect you by slowly rolling over the feet of the burglar and maybe that burglar has ingrown toenails or something.

You're not getting past me and my ferociously wagging tail unless you brought treats

Foresight User's Guide

Welcome to Foresight!

Thank you for purchasing the Foresight music app! It's because of people like you that we're able to keep doing what we love: bringing you Hi Fi  software and proselytizing for our favorite bands.

Foresight has been around for a few years, but apparently you're only learning about it now. You probably live in a flyover state, so you're forgiven. What do people talk about in your state anyway? I mean, once you get away from the coasts, there's a com-PLETE culture void. Don't know how you do it. Anyway, on with the guide.

What is Foresight?

Foresight is an application you can install on your phone through iTunes (sorry Android users, you should get a phone that just works). It records songs playing out loud and identifies them via our bleeding-edge algorithms. Whether they're at the hookah bar, getting their ears gauged, or ironically eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken, our users can use Foresight to identify a song they like playing over the radio!

State of the Union

Seeing as almost half of my hits so far (specifically, three out of eight) have come from my brother's blog, I feel a social stigma that forces me obliged to link back to his. I'm a computer dork, he's a history dork. Together, we...usually just quote the Simpsons. I wasn't aware he could formulate complete thoughts that didn't (completely) rely on Mystery Science Theater 3000 quips until I read his blog, and so should you...be aware that...

Whatever, just read his blog. It's funny. Trust me, as a Funny Guy ®, I'd know.

Also, if you haven't noticed, I like to put stupid little javascript widgets in my posts. Today's was the conversation generator. I usually spend more time writing and debugging the widgets than I do on my posts (place insult here). If something isn't working like you'd expect, just let me know.

I should really have a clever sign-off line here.

Face Memory

One of the best things about the internet is the development of social media. According to a recent study of the most frequent users of Facebook (high school students and your mom), users really enjoy being able to share their ideas with the world, catch up with old friends, and keep up with events in others' lives, none of which would be possible without the internet.

For the most part, Facebook relationships are easy; the occasional wall post or status comment (coming soon: "auto-like") keeps things congenial. However, every so often a rogue friend will invite you to an event that doesn't involve voting for them in the Skankiest Thanksgiving Day Parade Participant contest in the local paper. These rare occasions where you must socialize without a keyboard proxy can be thrilling, but they are actually fraught with peril.

Check That Door!

Modern science tells us that most humans need to use the bathroom at least once a day. For those of us that are forced to interact with the unwashed (or washed, but with no soap) masses of hands, public restroom use is a necessary, horribly embarrassing, and slightly burning experience.

Dumb Apps

Welcome to the Dumb Apps blog! If you got here while searching for apps to buy, you're probably a pathetic human being (and I'll gladly sell you some apps). More than likely, you're giving this a pity read as a loyal Facebook friend. In any case, the content you'll find here focuses on ideas for apps that should never be implemented (again, unless you're going to pay me a lot to make them). If you were hoping it would make fun of existing apps, I bet you're the same kind of person that thinks they dominate in kickball against grade schoolers.

If you're graphically inclined and want to make mockups for the apps posted here, you're way more driven of an individual than I, and everyone talks about how you're an overachiever behind your back. Nonetheless, if they're good, I'll probably still use them and give credit (because you couldn't possibly ever do something to enjoy it, you have to get credit for everything, don't you?)

Enjoy.