Check That Door!

Modern science tells us that most humans need to use the bathroom at least once a day. For those of us that are forced to interact with the unwashed (or washed, but with no soap) masses of hands, public restroom use is a necessary, horribly embarrassing, and slightly burning experience.

Rather than implementing a patently obvious revolving door access configuration, nearly all restrooms use a conventional, completely Web 1.0 swinging door. Under normal circumstances, this is adequate, but there are times when restroom patrons are attempting to log in and out of (edit: kinda gross in this context) enter and exit the bathroom simultaneously. This can cause what is known as the FF/BE reaction, where one of two things can happen:

1. One of the participants Falls Forward (FF) into the other. The faller, expecting to either relieve themselves or exit the humiliating premises imminently, is traveling with extreme pace and -- in the first case -- may have already undone their pants. Therefore, their inertia carries them into the user that opened the door only milliseconds before the expected breach. This situation can be very dangerous in stadium environments, sometimes resulting in a secondary-stage reaction and cascading failure of the restroom state. In extremely rare cases, the FF reaction has resulted in the faller notifying the catcher that their zipper is undone.
2. The door is opened as one participant is reaching for the handle, and said user receives a blow to the face, more often than not resulting in a Black Eye (BE). This should technically be called n-BE, as some user configurations can cause n BEs, where n is greater than or equal to 1. For instance, User Alpha is opening the door moments before User Beta reaches it, and User Beta receives a BE (1). If Alpha is traveling with speed and Beta is of a large stature, Alpha may also run into the door (now in a static position due to Beta's solidity) and will also receive a BE (2). If alcohol is involved, there is no telling what the value n may reach.

What is one to do? Hardcore leftistrightist privacy activists have lobbied builders to exclude glass from being used in the door unless it's obscuring. Furthermore, these "professional" builders will not put in electronic detection and notification systems on bathroom doors, saying that it's "too expensive, please stop calling".

The only solution, as with so many things in our social lives, is an app. Imagine being able to know whether anyone is going to be using the door when you want to use it! Users can log in to the Check That Door (CTD) system from their Android, iPhone, or Blackberry, find their bathroom door and check user load. It's a simple four step process: 

1. Choose your country (currently supports US, Canada, the UK, and Texas)
2. Choose your city
3. Input your address (or activate GPS if outside or near a window)
4. Select your bathroom
5. (FUTURE: support bathrooms with multiple doors) Select your door

If your bathroom has not been added to the database, it's a cinch to add it yourself (only for paid users)! A two-day delay will occur while site admins approve of the addition. After it has been approved, you will be mailed a few stickers to place on the doors of the newly-added bathroom and help encourage CTD use.

Put one on each side of the door, stick one to the cover of your hipster Mac Book, or just plaster 'em all over the place!

Once you've found your bathroom, you can add it to your list of favorite bathrooms. When viewing the bathroom, you can check any door users and add your intent to use the door. You can even add comments on the door and add meta-data, including:

• Direction of swing (in/out)
• Construction quality (one to five stars)
• Nearby obstructions
• Closest alternatives in case of heavy traffic
• Typical odor level

One of the most popular doors in the system today

CTD comes in both ad-supported and paid versions. There are many incentives to use the paid version in addition to being able to add bathrooms. Ad-supported versions will occasionally result in FF/BE conditions on purpose, unless one user is using the paid version. For our thrill-seeking users, try the Random feature. It will return the directions to a random bathroom in a one mile radius and automatically add your intended use along with your expected arrival time.

Keep your eyes peeled for the forthcoming CTD Unlimited. It supports all doors, not just bathroom doors! Can't you just imagine the stress-free life you'll live with CTD Unlimited?

Finally, remember that the next time you are party to a FF/BE situation, just tell the other person "you should really Check That Door!"